shh

Dear faithful reader,
I'm trying to type softly so they don't hear me. That's why this appears in small font. The harder you type the bigger the font is.

[Footsteps] Shh!

[pause]

OK, whew.

The reason I have to be quiet is because I'm in what some might call a mental health facility. Maybe it's a prison. It's minimum security for sure, but I can't just waltz out the door. I managed early this morning to fashion a primitive computer out of toothpicks, an apple core, a ball bearing, and an actual computer, so this is the first I've been able to contact the outside world.

Anyhoo, as you may know, I am no longer with our dear Hugo Chavocado. At the behest of my friends and relatives, I recused myself from the office home of Hugo and left town. I checked myself into this health facility in New England, where I shall remain for the time being. To put it simply, my presence near Hugo was posing a severe danger to both me and him. I was hungry and a budding avocado plant looks really tasty. I awoke from a stupor many times with a plastic knife in one hand and a bowl in the other, looming eerily over Hugo. I couldn't sleep. I was sweating profusely. I was experiencing hot flashes. It wasn't pretty. To stop all the nonsense and to avoid destroying the little plant, I fled. I ran. Far far away.

[Footsteps] I think I hear someone coming. Must go. This place is as heavily patrolled as the Castle of Aaaaaaaaug...