Choose Your Own Adventure: The Search for the Elusive Potting Soil

The following Choose Your Own Adventure is based somewhat on actual events leading up to the potting of Hugo Chavocado.

YOU sit in your cubicle, busily typing away at your box index. Every other word or so, you glance at your beloved Hugo Chavocado, as he sleeps soundly in his little water bottle on his perch above the printer. You move closer to give him a little pat on the pit...but what's this? A little green sprout peeking out from the top of his pit, the beginnings of a glorious new tree! Clearly this is cause for action. Do you 1) leave Hugo in his comfy waterbottle to rot away, thereby losing the only chance you had of turning him into a beautiful leafy avocado tree that would eventually produce delicious Venezualan guacamole OR 2) decide to plant Hugo in a little pot of his own? Scroll down to the corresponding number.

1) Hugo dies.
2) Well this is cause for celebration! But first, you must find some potting soil. You already have a pot from a previous plant...an experience that ended rather unpleasantly, but we won't go into that now. Where oh where might one find potting soil in New York City? Do you 3) try to steal potting soil from one of the lush-looking plants on a secretary's desk OR 4) check your friendly neighborhood supermarket? Scroll down to see what happens.

3) Good work! You're doing it! Quiet now...don't let the secretaries see you. You can use that plastic spoon over there to help get all of the soil out of that pot. No, don't put it back in her Tupperware full of soup! Wait, what's that? I hear talking....it's getting closer and closer........RUN! Drop the soil and RUN!
*BONK*
You're dead. The secretary blind-sided you with a heavy duty hole puncher and you're dead. Nice choice, idiot.
4) Of COURSE the supermarket will have potting soil. Why else would they call themselves supermarket if they didn't have super stuff like that? Let's see. Oooh you've been meaning to buy some Peeps. You'll just grab a pack of those. Let's see potting soil potting soil....OH! You love this cereal! Yes you will need that too. OOOoooo gummy bears! And wild cherry seltzer! Hmmm they clearly don't sell potting soil, but look at all of the cool stuff you got! At least you weren't killed by a hole puncher.
So the search for the elusive potting soil continues. Days pass as you ponder what potting soil is, where it comes from, and the benefits of drinking soy milk over regular. At last it dawns upon you. "AhHA!" you say. Why didn't you think of it before? There must be a florist in the WFC. It's full of busy business men who likely come home late every night and have to occasionally send flowers to wives in hopes that they won't leave them. How could there not be a florist? You check the map. YES! It's there and waiting for you to come buy Hugo's new home. You and your officemate decide to take a walk over there to check things out. But when you arrive, you realize it's UPSTAIRS. Do you 5) take the elevator at the end of the walkway OR 6) take the escalator at the beginning of the walkway? Scroll scroll...

5) What a lovely elevator vestibule, though it feels a bit cramped. Actually, it looks a bit more like a dead end than a lovely elevator vestibule. Whats that heavy breathing? You turn, and before you can scream, a Tyrannosaurus Rex eats you. You should know by now, savvy adventurer, that elevator vestibules often double as holding pens for T-Rex's. Shame.
6) You made it! The escalator was a bit narrow, and scary at times...especially when your officemate suggested you ride it with your eyes closed and your arms out, but you MADE it. And there's the florist, dead ahead! You happily scamper up to the counter and ask the nice man if he sells potting soil. He says yes, but "only in HUGE 50 pound bags!" You're DEVASTATED. You can't buy a 50 pound bag! Just as you're about to cry, both the "nice" man and your officemate point out that he was joking and you're an idiot. JOY is restored! You promptly purchase your two 3.3 lb bags of potting soil and exit the florist, full of glee and accomplishment.

Good job adventurer, you've found Hugo a new home. You are one classy arborist.